Motherhood and Me 1

Motherhood and Me    Post 1

June 2004

       I was out of sorts and my eyes welled up as the second tiny pink line appeared and stared at me - thus started my journey into motherhood. I cried till I was sore all over ,I could feel my heart in my mouth thumping like never before,I imagined a tiny speck of life within me and I cried more and more The day passed in a daze.

     Surprisingly the first(crazy) thought  that flashed through my mind that morning was “ Mama le marcha!”( literal translation: Mom’s going to kill me!) Funny but true.

      Rahul was going through it with me but I could sense the disbelief, of it all.The only thing that was going right for us was the fact that we were together after so many years of being away from each other because of work. We clung onto each other and moved on in life - me with my first pregnancy all teary- eyed with dreams woven around them and Rahul with his work and planning and managing - this time with absolute focus and oodles of love and care.

      I hated it and I LOVED - the morning sickness, the heartburn, the cravings, the pasta from Pizza Hut and nowhere else, the yam curry and  the evening walks in the dusty smoggy Delhi . What I absolutely loved was the tiny bump and the way Rahul was transiting from a husband to a father ! I could see the promise of a good father in his eyes, before I knew he had started having phantom conversations with the baby !

      Days rolled by sluggishly very much like my digestive system , constipated, puking and letting off acidic upsurges now and then. Gelusil became my best friend as I carried my baby bump here, there and everywhere. I carried it home to my parents, to the clinic, to the church, to my friends, on house hunting sprees, everywhere.

     We moved from Delhi to Gurgaon - boxes, bump and all. By now I had graduated to those ‘ Mom and Me’ clothes and I didn't quite walk- I waddled. My life revolved around Rahul, walking around Ridgewood ,Mita- my friend, soothing music, a little nursery and  the closet that spelt of love and promise - tiny vests and mittens and booties, fresh soft towels and Johnson’s baby powder and all. Burying my face onto the softness of those baby clothes  longing to hold my bundle of joy - memories made of gold !  

 Max Medical elevated my very “Indian” pregnancy to new heights with lamaze classes, breathing exercises, counseling and those videos on various choices of birthing rights  that I had ! Living on Love, Gelusil and  not quite healthy food  made me a raring to go ‘mom-to-be’. I opted for natural birth to many a jaw dropping reactions from people around me “.Can you push?"

     Push I did !  Breathing exercises? What was that? I was wheeled in, dazed and tired,  and Rahul was there  in  the green scrubs looking like a lost soul,( thanks to Max !) He was very brave not to pass out ! We braved it together, after a double episiotomy , ventouse cup and the works I did manage to push my big 4 kgs  bump out into the world.My baby Siddharth Noah - We had a baby boy! I was a MOTHER!  Don’t ask me how I felt….because I have no words to describe that feeling of being sore and the happiest at the same time. Maybe I’ll be able to one day! Till then let me be…let me be a Mother!