Motherhood and Me 2

 Motherhood and Me
Post 2
Your Homecoming - Siddharth

Rashmi peered inside with eyes that spoke volumes as I opened the door. My new next door neighbour had come to ‘see’ me after I was home with my new baby. My son must have been  three  or  four days old – I was a proud mother after all those months of longing and waddling. It was a lazy hot Summer afternoon and there was quiet and peace at home….the baby was sleeping!

“ Hi ! How are you?” I greeted and enquired but all she did was give me a blank look as she looked around my living room and blurted out –“ You had a baby girl?” What a thing to ask I mumbled inside my mind, “Well, you guessed wrong! I have a baby boy” I said sheepishly.  Rashmi was confused, well, she looked confused as I invited her in.  She did all those endearing girly stuff that women do when they see a newborn , as I  very proudly introduced and exhibited my baby ! 

Another statement of absolute amusement spilled out of her, “ You had a baby boy and we did not even come to know of it?” Now Rashmi was confusing me! ‘’ You would have come to know of it eventually, after all we are neighbours!” My mind did the talking- a silent monologue!  She was a mother of two  herself–and she very authoritatively declared that  I was lucky  to have a son, “ now- even if you have a girl you will be fine” she sealed the deal for me! 

I offered her coffee and she demanded, “ Muh meetha  karao!”  I apologetically got her some Bengali sweets that was lying in the fridge and she apologized that she was carrying a set of pink girly frilly singlets  for my son. Confusion and small talk came to a screaming halt when my little man let out a cry of discomfort and Rashmi once again very confidently said that he needs a change and feed and that she will be leaving me to do the more important thing.

My mind was seeing light as I spoke to Rahul that evening. We just brought the baby home- with no pomp and show, with no blue balloon archways at the door, no boxes of sweets to be given to every hungry soul on the way home, no big money to the security guards who man the gates of Ridgewood, no wide grins and smiles,- we just brought the baby home!  For us , we had a healthy baby to call our own- boy or girl- well ,that was not for us any to decide- I gave birth to a  boy – that did not make me   extra-special or lucky! Two years hence, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl( her story will follow later)- neither then was I any less special or lucky! If only we realize this and not anything else.

As for Rashmi, I don’t know where she is today, but I do remember her . Maybe I should look her up on facebook- Hundreds of Rashmi Guptas!!

(PS: we lived in Gurgaon ( North India)then!)

Motherhood and Me 1

Motherhood and Me    Post 1

June 2004

       I was out of sorts and my eyes welled up as the second tiny pink line appeared and stared at me - thus started my journey into motherhood. I cried till I was sore all over ,I could feel my heart in my mouth thumping like never before,I imagined a tiny speck of life within me and I cried more and more The day passed in a daze.

     Surprisingly the first(crazy) thought  that flashed through my mind that morning was “ Mama le marcha!”( literal translation: Mom’s going to kill me!) Funny but true.

      Rahul was going through it with me but I could sense the disbelief, of it all.The only thing that was going right for us was the fact that we were together after so many years of being away from each other because of work. We clung onto each other and moved on in life - me with my first pregnancy all teary- eyed with dreams woven around them and Rahul with his work and planning and managing - this time with absolute focus and oodles of love and care.

      I hated it and I LOVED - the morning sickness, the heartburn, the cravings, the pasta from Pizza Hut and nowhere else, the yam curry and  the evening walks in the dusty smoggy Delhi . What I absolutely loved was the tiny bump and the way Rahul was transiting from a husband to a father ! I could see the promise of a good father in his eyes, before I knew he had started having phantom conversations with the baby !

      Days rolled by sluggishly very much like my digestive system , constipated, puking and letting off acidic upsurges now and then. Gelusil became my best friend as I carried my baby bump here, there and everywhere. I carried it home to my parents, to the clinic, to the church, to my friends, on house hunting sprees, everywhere.

     We moved from Delhi to Gurgaon - boxes, bump and all. By now I had graduated to those ‘ Mom and Me’ clothes and I didn't quite walk- I waddled. My life revolved around Rahul, walking around Ridgewood ,Mita- my friend, soothing music, a little nursery and  the closet that spelt of love and promise - tiny vests and mittens and booties, fresh soft towels and Johnson’s baby powder and all. Burying my face onto the softness of those baby clothes  longing to hold my bundle of joy - memories made of gold !  

 Max Medical elevated my very “Indian” pregnancy to new heights with lamaze classes, breathing exercises, counseling and those videos on various choices of birthing rights  that I had ! Living on Love, Gelusil and  not quite healthy food  made me a raring to go ‘mom-to-be’. I opted for natural birth to many a jaw dropping reactions from people around me “.Can you push?"

     Push I did !  Breathing exercises? What was that? I was wheeled in, dazed and tired,  and Rahul was there  in  the green scrubs looking like a lost soul,( thanks to Max !) He was very brave not to pass out ! We braved it together, after a double episiotomy , ventouse cup and the works I did manage to push my big 4 kgs  bump out into the world.My baby Siddharth Noah - We had a baby boy! I was a MOTHER!  Don’t ask me how I felt….because I have no words to describe that feeling of being sore and the happiest at the same time. Maybe I’ll be able to one day! Till then let me be…let me be a Mother!